


Mini Pies?  Mini Cup!!

by G8rguy



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Curses, F/F, F/M, M/M, body swapping, hockey magic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-24
Updated: 2016-05-24
Packaged: 2018-06-10 09:34:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6950848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/G8rguy/pseuds/G8rguy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Samwell University goes to the Frozen Four under the leadership of co-captains Adam Birtkholtz and Justin Oluransi and make it to the finals.  Winning Samwell their first ever NCAA National Hockey Title, they bring home the NCAA Trophy only to discover that while it's no Stanley Cup, that doesn't mean that there is not a little bit of Hockey Magic in it.  And just one ill-timed wish made at the wrong time next to that trophy is going to make for one interesting day for the residents of the Samwell Men's Hockey Team! </i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mini Pies?  Mini Cup!!

Bitty felt the impact from the puck on his stick travel up his arm. Suddenly everything was in slow motion as he watched the puck, sent to him on a pass from Ollie, shoot across the ice. The Michigan goalie shifted just a bit too far to the right and he saw it before it actually happened but he didn’t believe it. Not when he saw the puck slide through a gap between the goalie’s leg and the bar, not when the buzzer sounded, not when the clock hit zero just seconds later, not when the scoreboard moved from 1-1 to 1-2, and not even when the ice rink exploded in a roar of cheering.

He finally believed it when Ransom and Holster slammed into him screaming. He did it. He shot the game winning goal, in the final game of the Frozen Four, giving little Samwell University, the little ECAC school no one believed could stand against the perennial powerhouses of College Hockey, just win the NCAA Championships. The rest of the team poured onto the ice to join in a celly like they had never seen before.

Bitty was hoisted up and carried around by his teammates alongside Chowder who had fought furiously against the number one offense in college hockey and had held them to one goal. But Bitty, little Eric Richard Bittle from Georgia, former figure skater, got a goal and an assist on the only two points in the game. Bitty truly thought his face would break from the smile on it as they went through the celebration and the award ceremony. He looked over and saw Coach and mama Bittle with the other family members in the stands and was crying as he saw Coach yelling and screaming and pointing at Bittle.

The only trace of bitterness in this experience was the absence of two people. Shitty Knight was stuck in law school in Harvard and he couldn’t get away for their games, much as he wanted to. Lardo had repeatedly threatened his life and his manhood if he tried to take the four days off that they were gone and playing. Jack was in the NHL playoffs in his first year with the Falconers and while they were not expected to win the cup, they were playing amazingly and fans were daring to whisper about the chance.

But other than those two holes, everything is amazing. At the award ceremony, Coaches Hall and Murray both hoist the trophy and everyone gets a chance to hold it for a minute. Chowder is crying when he gets his turn and his smile looks painful he’s so happy.

“It’s like the Stanley Cup of College Hockey!” Chowder cries.

“Be careful Chowder!” Holster laughs. “You don’t want to risk angering the hockey gods.” Everyone laughs as they continue to celebrate. They stay in the rink for another two hours celebrating before heading back to their hotel to sleep before their flight home in the morning. 

Bitty smiles sitting on the plane looking over his texts. Their group chat has exploded with texts from Jack and Shitty, plus dozens of others directly from former teammates. The team was even trending on twitter thanks to several congratulatory tweets:

 

 **jacklzimmermann:** _Congrats to the Samwell Men’s Hockey Team! Amazing job!_ (which was retweeted by the Falconer’s official account and Alexei Mashkov). 

**bobzimmermann:** _Outstanding performance by the Samwell Men’s Hockey Team! Congrats on your championship and to Eric Bittle and Chris Chow for their amazing performance!_ (which was then retweeted by “uncles” Wayne, Mario, and Sidney causing the team to have a total meltdown!) 

**therealkentparson:** _awesome job Samwell! Congrats on winning Frozen Four!_

One tweet gets lots of attention but not quite as much circulation is from **knighthockeyflow:** _SAWESOME!!! Samwell Men’s Hockey, you rule. LAX Sucks!_

* * *

 

“I have a question” a familiar voice said as they lifted off the runway and leveled out.

“Yes Tango?” Bitty responded gently. The other guys were all talking to each other except for Nursey and Dex who appeared to have passed out already.

“Holster talked about the hockey gods? What did he mean?” Tango asked with his perpetual confused look on his face.

“Oh…ah” Bitty stammered for a second too long as Ransom and Holster, sitting right behind them jumped up to explain.

“No hockey player ever tempts the hockey gods, especially about the Stanley Cup. You are always respectful, careful, and above all thoughtful whenever you mention it. If you have a chance to see it you always say thank you and if you never, ever, ever touch it unless you won the right to do so by winning it. And even then, you got to be careful!” Holster tells the freshman.

“But why? It’s just a trophy right?” Tango says guilelessly.

“SHHH!!” Ransom looks petrified as he looks around the plane causing Tango to start getting nervous and Bitty to moan. “Dude! What did we just say? Are you trying to tempt them?”

“Boys” Bitty tries to start.

“Shh Bits” Ransom shuts him down. “The problem Tango, is that the Cup has” Ransom looks around again and then leans in and whispers “magic!”

Tango looks thoroughly confused and even skeptical but the look on his co-captains’ faces makes him pause. “Magic?” he asks in a whisper.

“Yeah. There are stories, legends even, of things that have happened to players who messed with the cup. Especially for those who” Holster’s voice drops to a deathly quiet whisper “make a wish.”

“A wish?” Tango asks. “The cup grants wishes?”

“Yeah dude” Ransom nods his head in agreement. “But it’s freaky you know, almost cursed. It can mess things up so your wish gets all twisted.”

“I don’t understand” Tango asks and looks around and notices that they now have an audience. At least half the team is listening to the conversation.

“It’s like if Holster and Ransom wished they could play for four more years” Wicks says from across the aisle “and bam! Suddenly they wake up and they are freshman again.”

“Yeah. I’ve heard that a whole team once were turned into bunny rabbits for twenty four hours” Mitty adds.

“That’s nothing” Ransom said “sometimes there’s even hockey babies” his voice thick with fear.

“Hockey babies?” Whiskey asks confused.

“Yeah. A baby just shows up at your doorstep like the literal stork brought it!” Ransom swears.

The next thirty minutes consist of everyone telling the stories about hockey magic and curses that they heard about before the conversation closes down and people start discussing other things. The rest of the plane ride is easy and quiet until they land in Boston to be welcomed by a huge crowd of Samwell students and fans cheering for their team.

They then caravan to campus where the entire student body, faculty, and staff are there to welcome them home and to celebrate the school’s first ever NCAA National Championship.

* * *

 

That night the Men’s Hockey Haus hosts an epic kegster to rival all others in history. It seems that it’s not just the Haus, but the entire street that is rocking with Samwell students celebrating their win. In a new tradition that may never be repeated, Ransom and Holster have ‘liberated’ the NCAA Trophy to display at the Haus as part of the celebration. Campus police have stopped by several times mostly to remind everyone to be safe and careful as no one is willing to shut down the excitement as long as it stays okay. Samwell’s President made it very clear at the official party that she expected the students to not become some mob of hooligans like Boston College.

Tango was standing to the right of the trophy with Whiskey on his left doing their shift as official ‘guards’, Ransom and Holster had even got them sunglasses and made them wear a single ear bud that wasn’t actually plugged in to look official. “Do you believe in all that hockey magic stuff the guys were telling us?” he asked Whiskey carefully.

Whiskey sighed. Three minutes. That’s how long Tango lasted since his last question. “They were just messing with you Tango. There’s no such thing as hockey magic and even if there was, that’s all around the Cup, not this thing” he replied with a snort.

“Well” Tango wondered. “It’s kind of like a mini-cup you know? Like maybe since this is the ‘Stanley Cup of College’ it has less magic but still some, you know?”

“That might be if there was such a thing as magic” Whiskey sighed “and there isn’t.”

“But if there were? What would you wish for?” Tango asked him with a trace of excitement.

Whiskey bit his tongue because he knew his teammate would be hurt if he actually answered that. “Nothing” he finally said. “We just won the trophy, it’s all good.”

Tango sighed. “I guess that’s true. I mean it’s great that the seniors got to be here for this and this is really going to be a legendary party in Haus history. But..” he trailed off.

Whiskey waited for a moment but when there was no more he looked over at his linemate with a look of surprise. Tango didn’t hold back when talking normally. The problem was getting him to not talk most times so his reticence now was even more confusing now. “But?” Whiskey finally asks.

“I don’t know, it just feels like everything is all mixed up now you know? I mean the captains and Lardo are leaving, new people are moving into the Haus, we have a new captain…it just seems all twisted around” Tango sounds confused.

Whiskey sighs. “Just normal part of life Tango” he says gently.

“Yeah” Tango mutters. “I just wish things were different with the team.”

* * *

 

The party ended very, very late. By the time it was winding down, Ransom and Holster started chasing people out and sending them on their way. Dex and Nursey had passed out on the couch but Lardo, Chowder and Bitty had all made it upstairs to their rooms with Shitty staying with Lardo. 

The rest of the team, including the frogs, had all staggered back to their dorm rooms and apartments as the party wound down. Things finally ended when Ransom and Holster had taken the trophy with them up to the attic to make sure it was safe till they returned it to the coaches in the morning.

 

* * *

Bitty woke up with a pounding headache and the most horrendous taste on his tongue. He had had one too many cups of Shitty’s tub juice for some god only knows reason and most of the night was a blur. Opening his eyes he blinked in confusion at the springs and bed above him. What the? Looking around he realized that he was in the attic. How did he end up here? He vaguely remembered leaving the party but he honestly didn’t remember going to bed. 

Rolling out of the bed he staggered a bit and grabbed the edge of the top bunk to steady himself. He heard Ransom groan a bit and turn over. ‘Did they lower their beds?’ Bitty wondered why it was so low. Shaking his head, he definitely needed caffeine to counter Shitty’s poison so he stumbled down to the first floor. The Haus was deathly quiet so it seemed he was first up as usual. He looked over and saw Dex and Nursey cuddled up together on the couch and smirked. ‘Those two’ he thought with a grin.

Stepping into the kitchen he mechanically got the coffee out and going and then started pulling out stuff for pancakes and bacon. He pulled down his mixing bowls when he shook his head and looked at the cabinets. “What the devil is going on?” he muttered. All of his cabinets have been lowered by almost a foot! Even the counters were lowered. Who could have done this to his kitchen! 

Bitty looked out of the window at the LAX house and frowned. Even they couldn’t have managed something like this…could they? Bitty stared and finally decided that he was still drunk. That had to be it. Twenty minutes later the kitchen was full of wonderful smells and Bitty heard some stirring in the other room. Nursey shuffles into the kitchen rubbing his eyes and making a bee line for the coffee. “Morning” he mutters as he pours himself a cup. “Man that was one epic party” he groans and sits at the table holding on to his cup like a life preserver. “I don’t even know how I ended up on the couch with Dex” he said sounding terrible.

Bitty smiled. “I thought it was cute” he said sweetly. “Pancakes and bacon will be ready shortly honey.”

Nursey looked at him with a strange look in his eye. “What the hell are you doing cooking bro?” he asks. “You are risking your life messing with Bits’ kitchen.”

Bitty looked at Nursey and frowned. “You need to stay away from Shitty’s punch Derek Nurse. It’s making you crazy” he teased and saw Nursey’s face frown in confusion.

“Wh..” Nursey’s sentence is cut off by an unholy scream that tears through the Haus.

Bitty pales in fear. “LARDO!” he screams as he starts to run. He recognized her scream and is moving towards the stairs as fast as he can.

“WHAT?” Nursey screams in surprise.

Running into the living room he sees Dex trying to get off the floor where he fell after hearing Lardo scream. Bitty is running up the stairs when the doors fly open and he sees Chowder look out of his room in confusion and then Bitty feels stunned as he collides with himself? He goes down and looks at the other body and sees himself looking back at him.

“Dammit Holtzy, what the hell?” Other Bitty yells.

At this point he sees Ransom stumbling down the stairs and the door to Lardo’s room fly open as she runs into the hallway wearing workout shorts and an overlarge t-shirt and she looks in shock. Shitty comes out after her with a look of absolute panic on his face.

“Lardo, bro, I’m so sorry. Tell me what I did” Shitty pleads and Bitty can see the fear in his face while Lardo is panting and staring at him. “Larissa!” he pleads.

“Shits!” Nursey calls out but Shitty is totally focused on Lardo.

“Why did you climb into my bed? You were kissing me when I was asleep!” she wails.

“I’m sorry. I mean I didn't mean to assume it was okay, but I thought...” Shitty said weakly.

Lardo turned and looked at Chowder and screamed again pointing at the goalie. “WHAT AM I DOING OVER THERE!!?!” 

“Uh Shits?” Nursey walks over to the trembling former team member and grabs his face and plants a kiss on his lips causing Shitty to go stiff.

Ransom suddenly yells “What the hell Nurse!”

“I didn’t do anything” Chowder yells.

“Oh dear sweet lord, what is going on?” Bitty says still staring at himself.

“Bro? Did you just ‘sweet lord’?” other Bitty asks looking totally confused. 

Shitty pulls back and stares at Nursey and looks around at everyone and that the whole Haus is freaking out.

“Okay, everyone downstairs! NOW!” Shitty yells and shuts down any other comment until everyone is downstairs on the couch and chairs. Looking around he asks the group “Lardo?”

“Yeah?” Nursey replies. 

Shitty blinks and looks at the d-man suspiciously. “Okay…” his eyes narrow. “When was the first time we shared a smoke?” he asks.

Nursey snorts. “There was the hookah my freshman year at that bar you dragged us to, but the first ‘smoke’” she wiggles her fingers in the air “was January my freshman year in the reading room.”

Shitty blinks in surprise. “Okay…” he looks unhappy with the fact that the answer was right. 

Nursey stands up and walks to Shitty and puts his hand on his chest. “Bro, don’t you…did you get shorter?” he suddenly is really looking at Shitty and then he holds up his hand. “Son of a bitch! I’m black?!” he looks confused.

“You’re Nursey” Shitty says.

“I’m Nursey” Chowder pipes up. Everyone turns to look at him. 

“You’re Chowder” other Bitty says.

Lardo looks up “No, I’m Chowder!” she says sounding upset. 

Nursey looks at ‘Lardo’ and frowns. “Wait a second. Chowder is in my body?” she mutters and looks at Shitty. “And you were making out with him this morning?” Nursey’s eyebrow arches.

“How was I supposed to know you switched bodies?!” Shitty yells.

“Oh my goodness gracious” Bitty moans.

Shitty looks at him and smiles. “Okay, obviously Bitty is in Holster’s body. Who’s in Bitty’s?” he says looking at the short blonde.

“Oh…Ransom. Here?” he says uncertainly and raises his hand like he did in school. “You’re not Holtzy?” he asks looking again at Bitty.

“I’m over here Rans” Dex says waving his hand.

“Okay” Shitty looks at Ransom and smiles “so that means that you are Dex?” he asks and Ransom nods.

“Let’s make sure I have this straight” Shitty says with a deep breath. “Bitty is in Holster’s body, Holster is in Dex’s body, Dex is in Ransom’s body, Ransom is in Bitty’s body, Larissa is in Nursey’s body, Nursey is in Chowder’s body and Chowder is in Larissa’s body. Have I got that right?” he asks looking around the room.

Everyone nods slowly. Larissa raises her hand slowly into the airs. “Lardo…I mean Chowder” Shitty looks at his girlfried…goalie…oh god this is going to get confusing he thinks.

“How did this happen?” Chowder/Lardo asks.

“And why did it not happen to you?” Holster/Dex asks.

“SOMEONE OFFENDED THE HOCKEY GODS!” Ransom/Bitty yells. 

Shitty looks confused. “What are you talking about?” he interrupts the explosion of conversations.

“Bro!” Holster/Dex says jumping up. “We were talking about hockey magic and curses on the plane ride back and how the Cup has, you know, powers?” It was surreal seeing the redhead bouncing around like that. “What if our team got zapped because we, you know, won the championship?”

“The rest of the team!” Bitty/Holster yells. “What if got them too?”

“I can find out” Ransom/Bitty said and pulled out his phone and started messing with it. “I can’t unlock the phone. This is Bitty’s phone. Who has mine?” he looks around before looking at his old body.

Dex/Ransom pulls a phone out of his pocket and tosses it to Ransom/Bitty who quickly unlocks it. He pulls up a number and dials. “Ollie!” he yells with the junior picks up. “Go look in the mirror!” he yells. “Do argue with me man, just do it!” he screams. 

“Dammit Bits, what the hell?” Ollie mutters as he gets up and walks into the bathroom. “Now what? I say bloody mary or some shit like that?”

“Don’t even joke about that crap” Ransom/Bitty mutters. “Are you okay? Everything look okay in the mirror?”

Ollie scratches his head and wonders if Bitty has baked too many pies. “Bits, I’m fine. No problem other than being woken up with a hangover. Goodbye!” he hangs up, flips the ringer to silent, and tosses the phone on the counter before stumbling back to bed.

* * *

 

“Okay, it’s not the rest of the team at least Ollie is okay so we can check with the others, but it was probably limited to the Haus” Ransom/Bitty tells the group. 

“So what do we do now?” Dex/Ransom asks.

Lardo/Nursey stands up. “I think I’m going to go take a shower” she says with a smirk.

“HEY!” Nursey/Chowder yells. “You are going to look at me naked!” he says accusingly.

Lardo/Nursey smirks. “Once in a lifetime chance bro, be kind of foolish to waste it.” She looks over at Shitty and smirks evilly. “Wanna join me?” she offers. Shitty is shocked but definitely looks like he is considering it when Nursey/Chowder and Dex/Ransom both yell “NO!”

Shitty looks at them and smirks. “Okay…so no sex while you are in someone else’s body huh?”

“Oh dear lord! Ya’ll, I’m sure we can figure it out, but maybe what we need is to eat?” Bitty/Holster asks.

“It is so weird seeing Holster say ya’ll” Ransom/Bitty says. He looks over at Holster/Dex “Bro we could totally take pictures of ‘you’ baking!”

Holster/Dex smiles back. “Bro!”

Everyone is calming down as they head to the kitchen to allow Bitty/Holster to finish with breakfast as Shitty has everyone else reach out to the rest of the team. While they can’t reach two of the other players, they can confirm that no one else seems affected. Only the current roster who slept in the Haus last night were impacted, much to Shitty’s loud complaints that he was being discriminated against.

“Okay” Shitty said clearing his throat and getting everyone’s attention. “Does anyone have any ideas of what to do or how to fix this?” he asks the group.

Everybody looks around but no one is really talking. “Um…” Ransom/Bitty clears his throat. “I heard that hockey magic often just…goes away some times. Like the team that got turned into bunnies? They all turned back the next day.”

“But hockey babies don’t go away” Hoster/Dex argues.

“Is there anyone we can ask?” Dex/Ransom asks.

“What about Jack?” Chowder/Lardo suggests. 

“He is traveling with the Falconers remember?” Shitty says with a sigh. “Besides I don’t want to try to explain this on the phone.”

“His flight got in last night, late” Bitty/Holster says absently.

Shitty looks at him and “hrmphs.” Nodding his head he agrees. “Okay. I will call Jack and get him to come down. The rest of you stay here and try to stay out of trouble.”

* * *

 

Shitty tries to reach Jack but just gets his voicemail so he leaves a message to call or come down ASAP. He walks into the living room where he sees Ransom and Chowder sitting close together on the couch…no, that’s Dex and Nursey he reminds himself.

“Bros, you two okay?” Shitty asks.

They nod and so he goes upstairs to Lardo’s room where Nursey…Lardo!...is sitting. “How you doing?” he asks carefully.

“Honestly?” Lardo has a rather satisfied look on Nursey's face. “I’m a huge guy with big muscles” Lardo/Nursey lifts up her t-shirt. “Check out my abs!”

“Impressive” Shitty nods with a whistle. “I think you just about gave Dex and Nursey a heart attack when you propositioned me” he laughs.

Lardo/Nursey lifts an eyebrow at him. “Well, you always said gender was a social construct and it was the person who mattered, not the shape. Now that I’m in this body, don’t quite feel the same huh?”

“Lardo…” Shitty’s voice is serious. “You are everything to me whether you are in your body or anyone else’s. If we didn’t say no sex, I would prove it.”

“Well, we only said no sex…” the smile went right to Shitty’s heart. 

“We are going get in so much trouble” he warned.

Lardo/Nursey moved over to sit in Shitty’s lap on the bed. It was different looking at him from this angle after getting used to him being so much bigger. Laying her hand on his cheek, Lardo turned his head in and kissed Shitty slowly to give him time to object. But he didn’t and moments later he was flat on the bed with a rather large, muscular d-man’s tongue in his mouth and hands on his body. “First time for everything” Shitty thought as he brought his arms up and around Nursey's muscled back.

* * *

 

“So…you are really my Chris…in Lardo’s body?” Caitlin said for about the tenth time. It’s not that she didn’t believe it. Lardo had told her things she was totally sure that Chris would never tell another soul. He had texted her to come over and to sneak in and once she did, she understood. He was totally flipping out. He was terrified he would have to go the bathroom and how that would be so inappropriate for him to do with Lardo’s body.

“And you don’t know how it happened?” she asked again.

“Ransom and Holster said they think it’s hockey magic” Chowder/Lardo said dejectedly. “Or that we angered the hockey gods.”

Caitlin sighed. She looked at her boyfriend, but all she could see was Lardo. Not that she was complaining or anything. Lardo was a beautiful woman, Caitlin admitted that easily, and her rocker artist vibe always allowed her to own any room she was in, but it was so different. Seeing the normally super smooth Lardo looking innocent and sweet, well…Caitlin did attend a rather progressive school and she had been a little more open to dating than she had told Chris up to now. 

“So…” Caitlin slid over to sit next to Chris/Lardo and wrapped her fingers into his. “What can I do to make you feel better?” she gently traced a finger down Chris/Lardo’s arm. She smiled when she felt him shiver under her fingertip.

“Just being here is great” Chowder/Lardo muttered.

“Are you sure?” Caitlin’s voice was low and warm. Chowder/Lardo turned towards her with widening eyes. 

“Cait?” Chowder had hoped to hide the tremor in his voice.

Caitlin smiled and slowly leaned forward to press her lips to Lardo’s. Chris moaned for a second before responding pushing back while Caitlin laid back on the bed, Lardo’s body coming over hers. Caitlin’s hands slipped inside the thin t-shirt and slid up the soft skin on his stomach to gently brush against his breasts. 

Chowder/Lardo pulled back. “We shouldn’t do this” his voice rough and trembling. “We said no sex.”

“Mhmm” Caitlin smiled and pulled Chris back down to another kiss 

“Oh god” Chris thought briefly before Caitlin’s tongue entered his mouth and his brain fried. “Lardo is so going to kill me.”

* * *

 

“This is so messed up man” Dex said looking at Chowder and knowing it is actually Nursey. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen Chowder so relaxed before. It is really weird” he admits.

Nursey/Chowder snickers. “Imagine seeing Ransom acting like you. Gotta admit that you are pulling it off” he smiles and wiggles his eyebrows.

“Oh god no!” Dex/Ransom groans. “I’m getting flirted with by Chowder!”

Nursey/Chowder sighs but grabs Dex/Ransom’s hand and pulls him forward. His eyes widen in surprise when Nursey/Chowder kisses him. Dex/Ransom jumps back and laughs. “This is so weird” he whines.

Nursey takes a deep breath and slides over and then sits in Dex’s lap, straddling him. Dex/Ransom takes a deep breath and isn’t laughing anymore. Nursey reaches down and lifts off Dex’s shirt causing him shiver at the touch. “Bro” Dex moans as Nursey is kissing and nibbling at his neck. “We all said…”

“Come on bro…chill?” Hearing Chowder say that in that way that was uniquely Nursey’s caused Dex to shiver and chase after Chowder’s lips, smashing them together.

“JESUS, MARY, AND JOSEPH!” Nursey flung himself backwards at Hoslter’s shout and fell on the floor. He saw Dex looking terrified as they both looked over at Holster who was holding his hands over his eyes.

“What’s going on?” Holster/Dex came down the stairs at a run.

“Nothing!” Bitty/Holster said quickly. “Sorry, sorry. I just…it’s not important” he finishes. “Let’s go to the kitchen.” Bitty/Holster pushes Holster/Dex into the kitchen and looks at the two boys blushing by the couch. It’s so weird seeing Rans but knowing he is upstairs.

About ten minutes later Holster/Dex comes out and looks at the two guys sitting on opposite sides of the room. ‘God they must be fighting again’ he thinks.

After he goes upstairs, Nursey/Chowder and Dex/Ransom head to the kitchen where they see Holster making a pie..Bitty, Bitty is making the pie Dex reminds himself.

“Bits” Nursey/Chowder says gently.

“I’m sorry boys” he says looking over at them. “That was not okay to do. I mean” he takes a deep breath “I did wonder if the issue between the two of you might be about this and I am happier than anything that the two of you are working it out, you know that. But seeing Chowder and Ransom making out…” Bitty trailed off and suddenly frowned when he heard the other boys giggling. “Boys!” he said with a huff.

“Sorry Bits” Nursey/Chowder says wiping his eyes “but you should see your face…well Holster’s face. It just looks so wrong to be standing there with a pie talking in Holster’s voice saying stuff like that. 

“Of course it could have been funnier…I could have been in Holster’s body. Then Dex and I kissing could have been a whole lot more scandalous” he laughs turns around to see Dex laughing with him.

“Not as much as you might think” Bitty muttered to himself but just smiled as the boys walked back into the living room to hopefully do something less traumatizing. 

* * *

 

A few minutes later Bitty saw himself walk into the kitchen. “Hey Bits?” his voice said making Bitty jump…again. It was just so dang freaky!

“Yes Ransom?” he said gently.

“Holster needs a hand up in the attic and asked if you could help him” Ransom/Bitty asked.

Bitty looked at him confused. “Can’t you help him?” he asked the senior.

Ransom/Bitty blushed and looked embarrassed. “Um…I’m not quite tall enough” he admitted.

Bitty chuckled. He had never been asked to help due to his height and it was kind of funny. “Okay. I have a pie in the oven though. Can you stay and watch it. If I am not back in 10 minutes pull it out and it will be fine. Stay in the kitchen!” Bitty warns him.

Ransom agrees and promises to stay and watch Bitty’s pie. Not to mention it smells amazing!

* * *

 

Jack turned onto the Samwell Campus after a truly stressful road trip. Things were wild sure, but they didn't reach the epic levels of craziness until he went to hotel bar to watch Samwell play in the Frozen Four final game with almost the entire Falconer's roster. They all cheered for Samwell, much to the dismay of the large crowd of Michigan fans that were there, and when Jack’s college team won, the celebration at the place was insanely wild. Jack had managed to send a number of congratulatory texts and had even tweeted about it he was so excited. But somewhere during that night's celebration, Jack’s phone somehow ended up at the bottom of a bucket of ice that was chilling champagne that someone had ordered. 

It might have been salvageable if it had been found quickly, but it wasn't found until several hours later and after several hours of immersion in icy water, Jack was fairly certain it was doomed. He couldn’t even call anyone to let them know he was out of commission.

The team played their last game early that evening and then headed back to Providence after the game arriving just after midnight. Deciding that he didn’t want to interrupt what was sure to be an insane kegster, he crashed at his place planning to drive down in the morning.

Losing his phone messed up his schedule and he ended up leaving his place much later than he planned but he was finally here. Pulling up to the front of the Haus he was happy to see it still standing even though it was obvious that the party last night must have been epic.

Jack walked up the steps and smiled when he caught that familiar smell. The smile on his face widened he stepped inside the open door and moved into the kitchen and saw Bitty setting a pie down on the counter. It was one of Bitty’s special maple crusted apple pies he could tell just by the smell coming from the oven. Bitty was alone in the kitchen and Jack didn’t see or hear anyone else so he decided to surprise his secret boyfriend.

Stepping up behind him as Bitty put down the oven mitts, Jack wrapped his arms around Bitty’s waist, his hands sliding around inside his shirt, and running along Bitty’s sides and abs while he nibbled the back of Bitty's neck.

“EEK!” Bitty shrieked and jumped turning around in Jack’s arms, their faces mere inches apart.

“JACK?!” Bitty gasped, confusion and uncertainty clearly written on his face.

“Hey Bits” Jack’s voice was low and sultry and he grinned as he saw Bitty’s eyes widen “my phone was damaged, totaled actually, but I am so proud of all of you.” Jack tightened his grip pulling Bitty’s hips to press against his and was pressing their lips together for a deeper kiss. Bitty opened his mouth in a gasp and Jack slipped his tongue inside causing Bitty to let out a strangled squeak.

Jack pulled back and looked at Bitty in confusion. Bitty had never kissed him like that, not even their first time. It was so strange and not…Bitty. “Eric? Is everything okay?” Jack asked pulling back a bit but keeping his hands on Bitty’s hips.

Jack watched Bitty’s breathing increase till he was basically gasping and then he finally found his voice. “OH MY GOD JACK ZIMMERMANN KISSED ME!!!!!!!!!!!” he screamed at the top of his lungs.

Jack stepped back in shock and he heard a whole bunch of noise and crashing. People were coming down the stairs.

Chowder and Ransom were the first ones in the kitchen to see Jack standing there in shock while Bitty was pointing at their ex-captain and yelling “Oh my god” over and over again.

Holster and Dex both came in right after and looked around confused. “Bitty? What’s wrong?” Jack asked his voice breaking as he looked at the blonde having a freak out. 

“Jack honey” Holster said causing Jack to startle and look at the towering d-man. “I’m over here. That’s Ransom in my body” Holster pointed to Bitty.

Jack looked back and forth between the two and then looked at the other two. “And you are?” Jack looked at them.

“Derek” Chowder replied.

“Dex” Ransom waved.

“Holster” Dex said moving to try and calm Ransom/Bitty down.

Jack looked at all of them and sighed. “Damn hockey magic” he muttered. The others all looked at him in shock. “Who made a wish?” he asked with a sigh.

“What the hell?” Shitty yelled coming into the kitchen with Nursey, both of their clothes mussed up and a rather large hickey on Shitty’s neck.

Caitlin and Lardo were right behind them.

“Dammit Lardo! Were you messing around with Shitty?” Ransom/Bitty yelled.

Lardo/Nursey just smirked.

“So Lardo is in Nursey's body and I guess Chowder is in Lardo’s?” Jack asks them.

The new people all looks surprised at Jack’s quick acceptance of the situation. “Yeah, bro. I guess you know about this shit. But what was with all the yelling?” Shitty nods at Jack.

"Jack came in, grabbed me and started French kissing me!” Ransom/Bitty answered a lot calmer now.

Everyone looked at Jack in confusion but then Lardo/Ransom and Shitty started laughing. “So you thought you were making out with Bitty, huh?” Lardo/Ransom asks Jack causing him to flush red. You can tell when the rest of the team gets it as looks of comprehension cross their faces. All of sudden everyone is chirping them when Bitty/Holster steps over to Jack with a look of compassion on his face.

“I’m sorry sweetheart” he says grabbing Jack’s hand. Bitty suddenly realizes that he is actually looking down at Jack and it feels so strange but Jack just smiles and wraps him in a hug. He looks at him slightly confused. "Not that I'm not grateful honey, but you seem to believe it all so quickly" Holster's face looks uncertain.

“It’s okay Bits, but how about we deal with that after we figure out how to fix all of this” he gestures around at everyone. "Besides, as soon as I kissed Ransom I knew it wasn't you."

"How?" Ransom/Bitty asked looking offended.

Jack smiled. "I know how Bitty kisses and that wasn't him" Jack says simply. Then he looks inspired. “Give me your phone Bits” Jack says with a determined look before stopping. “No, wait who has Bitty’s phone?” he asks. 

Ransom/Bitty pulls a phone out his pocket and hands it over “Is this yours Bits?” he asks.

“Yeah” Bitty/Holster replies.

Jack opens the phone, unlocks it, and pulls up the contact list. Pressing the button he holds it up and smiles when they pick up so soon. “ _Salut papa. C'est Jack._ He’s fine. Papa we are dealing with hockey magic. It looks like seven of the Samwell players all got body switched last night.” He listens for a second and then looks up to the others. “Did anyone come close to the real Cup last night?” he asks.

“ _Non papa_ ” Jack answers and listens and frowns. “Did they give you a trophy for winning the championships?” he asks. 

Bitty/Ransom nods and explains that they got the trophy and have it upstairs after showing it off at the party.

Jack switches to French and explains what Ransom told him before finally ending the call with a “ _Merci papa!_ ”

“Dad says it sounds like the NCAA trophy was a mini cup so it probably had some magic. If someone made a wish around it, then that could explain what happened” Jack told them.

“But how do we fix it?” Dex/Ransom asked nervously. 

“Dad suggests we wait till tomorrow morning. Lots of the curses and magic fades away after a day, so he suggests buckling down and seeing what happens. He said he will ask round in case that doesn’t work” Jack tells them. 

They all look serious before Shitty suddenly turns and looks at Bitty/Holster, his eyes narrowing. “Bits?” his voice is dangerously calm. “How do you have Bad Bob Zimmermann’s phone number in your phone?” 

The others all turn to look at Bitty and at 6’4” and a wall of muscle, he can’t hide from anyone. “Uh…” he tries to staff.

“My parents like him” Jack smiles and takes Bitty/Holster’s hand and intertwines their fingers. Jack starts at how different it feels. 

“So…” Holster/Dex smirks “how long have you two been dating?” The others all look at them and Bitty tries to bury his head in Jack’s shoulder which doesn’t really work when he is bigger than Jack!

“Graduation” Jack smiles.

The shock on everyone’s faces is funny to Jack and Bitty as they all do the math. “You two have been hooking up for almost a year!?!” Shitty wails. “I am betrayed!” he cries.

“BRO!” Ransom/Bitty and Holster/Dex both yell at Jack and Bitty. 

Lardo/Nursey just shakes her head and drags Shitty out of the kitchen to the couch while the others look shocked. 

The rest of them follow those two into the living room of the Haus and once there everyone demands the full story. Bitty/Holster brings in the pie along with plates and forks and Dex/Ransom and Nursey/Chowder brings everyone a beer.

Then Jack and Bitty break down and tell their hockey family the whole story and why they hid it, which while they grumble, everyone understands. Shitty wants to hold a grudge but gets whacked a few times by Lardo with Nursey’s muscles behind the whacks which changes his mind faster than he planned.

“Bro, that looks so funny” Nursey/Chowder finally laughs and Jack and Bitty look confused. “Seeing Holster sitting on your lap Jack…it’s just so…” he snickers.

Bitty smiles and stands up. “Stand up” he says to Jack who frowns but does so. Bitty then sits down in the chair and, reaching up to Jack’s waist, he pulls Jack into his lap. Jack looks at him with a look but Bitty/Holster just smiles happily as Jack sighs and leans back against Holster’s muscular chest. “Better?” Bitty asks Nursey who collapses in laughter.

They eat dinner and decide to just watch movies. Ransom and Holster want a video game tournament but Lardo vetoes that saying it wouldn’t count because her reflexes are in the wrong body.

Finally it’s time for everyone to go to bed. “So…” Nursey/Chowder asks looking around. “Do we go to sleep…how? And don’t tell me that no fooling around rule Shits, your hickey is still showing and I am pretty sure that my lips gave it to you.”

Everyone looks a little uncertain. “I think…maybe we go with who is on the inside” Chowder/Lardo suggests tentatively. Everyone agrees and goes to their own rooms. Dex and Nursey stay downstairs. Walking in to his room Bitty sits down on the bed and looks at Jack sadly. “Jack honey, I am so sorry about this. I know you didn’t want…” he tries to apologize, his eyes tearing up a bit.

Jack moves forward and kisses him gently on the lips. Pulling back he sees the shock on Holster’s face and snorts. “You may look like Adam” he says gently stroking along the square jaw, so much sharper than the one he is used to “but you are Eric and that’s all that matters” he assures him.

Bitty’s lip quivers a bit before he surges forward to catch Jack in a kiss. He can feel Jack smile as he pushes Bitty back and he rolls on top of him, pressing him into the small bed. They kiss and touch for some time before Bitty breaks off to look at Jack. “Jack maybe we shouldn’t do something that Adam hasn’t done…” his voice trails off.

Jack smiles. “First, considering I’ve already caught Rans and Holster their first year in the Haus, don’t worry about that. Second, like I said before…it’s you. If you are scared that somehow this is cheating, that I am with Adam instead of you, then we can just sleep.” Jack’s look is so clear and certain that Bitty relaxes. 

“In this body…we could do some things…” Bitty smile deepened along with his voice and Jack chuckled. 

“Yes we could” he whispered back.

* * *

 

Bitty woke slowly and suddenly realize that he was sleeping alone. Looking around he saw he was staring at the ceiling. He was back in the attic! He looked down and saw his arms and hands! He checked around and realized he was back in his body. Jumping down he stumbled a bit! That bunk was high!

Looking at Dex in the lower bunk he shook the red head till he woke up. “Bits?” Dex groaned.

“Yes!” Bitty said smiling. “Dex? Is that you?” he asked.

“Yeah” Dex nodded seeming confused before he blinked his eyes and looked at his arms. “I’m back in my body!”

They both ran downstairs and Bitty saw his door open and Jack step out looking around. Jack smiled when he saw Bitty and Bitty yelled as he jumped to hug Jack landing in his open arms. Now this, this felt right! He laughed and kissed Jack fiercely. “Hi baby!” he whispered.

He looked over at Holster who was looking slightly off kilter and blushed. “How are you feeling Holster?” Bitty asked gently. 

Holster looked at him and frowned. “Damn Bitty” he held out his fist which Bitty bumped “new respect bro!” he smirked and Bitty blushed to the tips of his ears. "Jack" Holster winked boldly. Everyone was laughing and glad to be back in their own bodies, though there were quite a few strange looks being exchanged among them.

“Breakfast?” Bitty offers and everyone nods and heads to the kitchen. Holding Jack’s hand as they go down the stairs Bitty feels so happy that he not only has his Jack, but his created family knows about it and loves them even more.

**Author's Note:**

> _I got a sudden flash of inspiration yesterday and wrote this over the last 24 hours. Not sure where it came from or how I got to the end but it was fun writing so I hope you enjoy reading it! Once the body swap occurs, the names are REAL PERSON/BODY OF PERSON for following along. I didn't want to do a one to swap, so it may get confusing and if I messed up somewhere, please let me know and I will fix. After writing the story I realized that I had some pronoun issues with Chowder and Lardo being one sex in the wrong body. I started with a his/her or her/his but decided to change to reflect how the person was inside, not the body. I might have missed a few of those and if I did, please let me know and I will fix it!_
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> Salut papa. C'est Jack. = Hello dad. It's Jack  
> Non papa = No dad  
> Merci papa = thank you dad


End file.
